well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
