Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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