I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
