So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
