i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
