I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
