the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
