??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
