..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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