Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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