I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize