I cockslap morals
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
