Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
