you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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