I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
