the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
