Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
