you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
