Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
