the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
