that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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