i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Quick, to the slutcave!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
