i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
