you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
bring money and cleavage
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
