You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize