If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
