It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
