When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
