my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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