Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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