His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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