That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
