I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
