just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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