We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
