I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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