They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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