well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
