I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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