my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
