lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
