There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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