just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
