Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
that is very illegal...i love you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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