I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize