Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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