If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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