Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
