I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
