i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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