If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize