I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
