i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
