you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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