Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
