the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
