You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
