drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
