Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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