I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
