If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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