We named our party play list daddy issues
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
