i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
