why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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