fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
