I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
