i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
