a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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