You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
