I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
