I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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